OK so I took a few days so I could process my feelings, sorry if it took awhile to get back to you.
Mom,
you admitted to saying those words, you phrased it different then how I remember hearing it, but either way the frist thing out of your mouth was about my smell, not that I drove 4 hours, not that I made it to your show, not even that you were happy to see me, not even to ask how the show was, I remember what I heard, and you remember what you said, but the effect is the same, my feelings were hurt, and yes people heard you, uncle johnny had to talk me though it once we left.
you have excellent social skills but you have made a habit of treating me like I am still an exception to that rule and that has continued to hurt me for quite some time now, I really don't know what to do anymore, it seems like as long as I bring someone with me, like Colin your fine, but when I am alone you change, and I don't like it. I don't even think you are aware of how much you change sometimes. I love you mom, but you know I am sensitive, and I just wish you would take that into consideration, instead of using it as an excuse every time you hurt my feelings.
over the phone the other night I wanted an apology, I still do, and it was clear you were not ready to give that, all my life you and Mrs Simmons have told me that "it is not about who is right it is about what is right," and I feel like you ignore that whenever someone comes to you with a complaint, all my life I have had to take the piss if you and I were to have a good relationship, it did not matter if I thought I was right, I just got tired of fighting, or worse the fight was never resolved just ignored over my desire to end confrontation, and I can't do that anymore, I want a good working relationship with you, one that is based on trust, and love, and I don't feel like I have that with you, and I don't want the relationship that I have with grandma to become the relationship I have with you, but it is starting to feel that way.
I know we love each other enough, that has always been clear to me, but I am not a child anymore, and I need you to start treating me with at least common courtesy.
I love you mom and you mean the world to me so we need to fix this
-Jessica
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
mothers suck
my family problem go a lot deeper then just this past week, my mother raised me and my sister with the glowing double standards that come with one being a star child that wants to be you when they grow up, and the other being A visual replica of you but with none of your qualities, and horrible dyslexia and social anxiety. Needless to say, I am the "dunce" of my family. my father is only loyal to his girlfriend TINA SNOW. so once my mother left him, when we went to visit him either TINA would leave, and I would be left trying to get my dad to eat while he was in bed. or we were carted off to my grandmothers so my dad could work so he could get TINA back. I was taking care of him, crossing the highway to get Raman, or bread and peanut butter. from he gas station. but that was all we could afford at daddy's (this was when I was at the ripe old age of 5,) once I was making soup and I dropped the boiling pot on my arm, I screamed and screamed, but my daddy never came.
my mother and grandmother were the worst.
my grandmother used to beat me for not being potty trained at 10 months, she locked my sister in the cupboard for going outside she she told us to, she has locked me in her attic once, and sent both my sister and I to her bridge partners attic. once I went back downstairs and told her I wanted to go outside, later that night she told my father I had screamed at her and her friends.years later, called me a slut for showing my calves around town. she has begun loving my sister because she "did something with her life."
Every time my mother does something that hurts my feelings she apologises about something completely arbitrary, then tells you you mis remembered when you tell her why your upset, and the "this is what I really said"s come flooding.
when she moved me to the city she told me with her new career I could get a horse, I was 8 so I believed her.
one of the nicest things my sister has ever done for me was to tell me mom did the same thing to her too.
my mother also told me that my sister and I would be able to veto men in her life, and while that was a lie, it was one I understand, but every time soemthing does not go her way, she either changes her opinion, or she basically ret-cons the whole conversation so she wins.
I feel like she cares more about who is right then whats right, and Last week she really hurt my feelings.
after spending my evening and morning getting yelled at by my grandmother for my fathers birthday., I went to go surprise my mother by getting to go see her play, when I tried to surprise her she said, I know who it is, I can tell by the stench of your cigarettes, my cousin was watching, my aunt and uncle were there, my kindergarten teacher was there, everyone from my home town. no one else said anything, then she turned around and greeted more people, now I understand her being pressed for time, she just did a show and she has to greet her audience, but to have that be the first thing out of her mouth, and then turn around with out even a"how did you like it" or "I am glad you got to see it" really hurt, and I wish she would own up to that. she called to apologize about ignoring me for the entire time I had to see her, and I told her that I understood that, but what I had been upset about was what she said. she what does she do? never happened, that time I spent crying in the corner, nope never happened, because what she "really" said was, "I can tell by the smell of your cigarettes, I don't care how she said it, it hurt my feelings and I want an apology,I drove 4 hours for her to comment on my stench and greet people while I stood in the corner
my mother and grandmother were the worst.
my grandmother used to beat me for not being potty trained at 10 months, she locked my sister in the cupboard for going outside she she told us to, she has locked me in her attic once, and sent both my sister and I to her bridge partners attic. once I went back downstairs and told her I wanted to go outside, later that night she told my father I had screamed at her and her friends.years later, called me a slut for showing my calves around town. she has begun loving my sister because she "did something with her life."
Every time my mother does something that hurts my feelings she apologises about something completely arbitrary, then tells you you mis remembered when you tell her why your upset, and the "this is what I really said"s come flooding.
when she moved me to the city she told me with her new career I could get a horse, I was 8 so I believed her.
one of the nicest things my sister has ever done for me was to tell me mom did the same thing to her too.
my mother also told me that my sister and I would be able to veto men in her life, and while that was a lie, it was one I understand, but every time soemthing does not go her way, she either changes her opinion, or she basically ret-cons the whole conversation so she wins.
I feel like she cares more about who is right then whats right, and Last week she really hurt my feelings.
after spending my evening and morning getting yelled at by my grandmother for my fathers birthday., I went to go surprise my mother by getting to go see her play, when I tried to surprise her she said, I know who it is, I can tell by the stench of your cigarettes, my cousin was watching, my aunt and uncle were there, my kindergarten teacher was there, everyone from my home town. no one else said anything, then she turned around and greeted more people, now I understand her being pressed for time, she just did a show and she has to greet her audience, but to have that be the first thing out of her mouth, and then turn around with out even a"how did you like it" or "I am glad you got to see it" really hurt, and I wish she would own up to that. she called to apologize about ignoring me for the entire time I had to see her, and I told her that I understood that, but what I had been upset about was what she said. she what does she do? never happened, that time I spent crying in the corner, nope never happened, because what she "really" said was, "I can tell by the smell of your cigarettes, I don't care how she said it, it hurt my feelings and I want an apology,I drove 4 hours for her to comment on my stench and greet people while I stood in the corner
Jez resolved
so I finally got to go talk with Jez after I went to go see my parents, we talked things out and both agreed on a lot of things, it will take a lot to make me respect her Dom again, but that's how it goes
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