Sean has been gone for 4 months now I know we had fought but it did not feel like the end, he had been so worried. his eyes had screamed the concern, but I had commitments, I mean i am a social worker I cannot just leave all those children just because he wanted to go on holiday! at first I thought he left without me and would be back we were never really the couple who HAD to do things together, but now I am starting to think he really left for good this time. Before I have the chance to process that thought the phone rings, it is a small mercy Until I check the caller info.
Hi Mum I say trying to soak up all the emoition that had started to ebb out from the realization that Sean may never come back. how have you been? I slowly tune out the rest, my mother and I have always had a strained relationship if I listen to closely I may realize she is insulting me.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
chapter 01
I think it might be a Monday, I irony of what that used to mean makes me smile though the pain. A bad case of that Mondays, that's what I have. I push my bare back agenst the wall. The tacky feeling of my blood on the jagged concrete as I shift my position once would have driven me mad, now it's only a vague afterthought. the pain, the pain will keep me alive, alert, well at least awake.
I can feel the spike now, like a snake swimming in my head. they say the worst part about being exposed to a spike it that you know it, sometimes. Sometimes the insanity is so clear so tangible, that you sit in your little corner of your brain and scream at yourself to stop whatever it is your doing. the more you scream the more control you can get, but it is a cruel joke that the virus plays. the spike clears it's recent history and with it your memory and you can't remember the past week. and once again you can no longer tell what is real and what is paranoia, what is truth, and what are lies, you have to sort out all over again, if you even care to. You can only wake up alone with no idea how you got there so many times, before you just stop caring and let the insanity take you.
more to come...recommendations plz
I can feel the spike now, like a snake swimming in my head. they say the worst part about being exposed to a spike it that you know it, sometimes. Sometimes the insanity is so clear so tangible, that you sit in your little corner of your brain and scream at yourself to stop whatever it is your doing. the more you scream the more control you can get, but it is a cruel joke that the virus plays. the spike clears it's recent history and with it your memory and you can't remember the past week. and once again you can no longer tell what is real and what is paranoia, what is truth, and what are lies, you have to sort out all over again, if you even care to. You can only wake up alone with no idea how you got there so many times, before you just stop caring and let the insanity take you.
more to come...recommendations plz
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